There is something strange about the days in between December 25th and January 1st. Life moves fast around Christmas, full of holiday buzz and wrapping and unwrapping gifts and seeing faces you haven’t seen for the last 365 days and eating too much food and falling asleep on the couch from indulging in too many festivities. The next two days after Christmas leaves you in a strange holiday hangover (figuratively and literally sometimes), and then before you know it it is New Years Eve and the new year is just one day away.
These days in between provide a space for reflection and reminiscence on all that the year held for you. You think back to the good times and try your best to remember them as they were. But the bad times, the chaos and the change, they creep into your mind too. And you’re left wondering what exactly this year taught you, how exactly did you change? What will the next year bring?
I’ve been quiet for a quite a while, holding things in and away from your sight. I’ve been fighting battles very few have seen or know of. I’ve been chasing after inner peace and learning how to leave things behind me,
I will not lie to you. These last few months have been some of the most difficult ones I’ve had to bear. My heart has been torn and stitched together only to be torn again and pulled in two different directions. My voice is hoarse from screaming out in defeat. My eyes are heavy from tears and sleepless nights. There are days that I feel as though my body is going to collapse under the weight of it all.
And yet, I am still here.
My life has done a complete 180. While the void of plans and security scared me at first, I now look at it as a white canvas, a blank page if you will.
There are so many places I could go, so many things that I could be. There are places I’ve yet to see and people I’ve yet to meet and things I’ve yet to do.
While there is a lot I’ve yet to wade through and a lot of resistance I’ve yet to fight, I’m slowly opening my eyes to see past the clouds and the smoke, to see the light that is beyond the darkness that I feel surrounded by. The light has always been there; never once has it burned out on me.
Who knows what 2018 has in store for me. I cannot control what the universe will throw at me in the following year, but I do know that I can decide who to be. I resolve to keep fighting after my dreams and to stay strong to who I am. I will spend day after day making myself better and searching for peace and contentment in life. I will give more than I take and love even when it hurts like hell.
2018 holds thousands and millions of news opportunities and fresh conversations and new faces and places. I’m choosing to welcome it with open arms and a hope-filled spirit. I pray that your new year is full of exciting possibilities and chances to grow. It may not be easy, 2017 was far from easy. But in the end, you’ll find that you grew more from the times of discomfort than the times you rested in your comfort zone. May you look forward to the new year with new eyes and a new spirit.
There is so much more out there for each of us, and I am bound and determined to find it.