I want to be rich in moments not money, our love is our inheritance honey.
Oh, my heart. I’m finding that whenever I hear cute love songs I suddenly listen to the lyrics more closely than I used to. And I resonate with the words of talented songwriters that put words I could never find to beautiful melodies in ways I never have before.
And what is the reason for that you ask?
A boy. Oh how cliche, right? How sappy, how cheesy. But I don’t care about that.
I used to be a pessimist when it came to relationships. I never really was hopeful for things working out for me anytime soon, and the future terrified me. If things were most likely going to end, why bother? Why go through all of that hurt and pain when I could just be alone and spare myself from being let down by another person? I thought I was being smart and looking out for myself. But in reality? I was just hardening my heart. I went through my share of heartbreak anyway. Perhaps that was my own fault, when I went into relationships with such a pessimistic view.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully, round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless. It will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
– C.S. Lewis
Perhaps my heart was hardened in my efforts to keep it from being broken. Saying that sounds strange, since I am a person who strives to have a heart full of kindness and grace and love. But I believe it was true. I hardened my heart towards romance and relationships.
Until that day that I realized how important he had become to me. I remember it clearly, the moment I looked at him and I realized how being with him felt like home. Suddenly, I was struck by the fact that I wanted to share the boring, the good, the bad, the adventurous moments of life with him. And that didn’t scare me.
We’ve known each other for years now, and it was unexpected and took me by surprise. But life works out in the strangest, most beautiful ways. And although he may be 7000 miles away, he still makes me smile on a daily basis. He never lets me forget how much he appreciates me. He brings such joy into this wonderful life I call my own. And I enjoy walking through life with him by my side. We’ve made so many great memories together, and I hope there are many more ahead of us.
And to think that I may have missed out on it all because of a hard heart and a stubborn spirit that I knew what was best for me. (But thankfully God knows what’s best and life works in mysterious ways)
He is not the source of my happiness and joy. No, my hope and joy is rooted in Christ first and foremost. But he does point me to Christ with his life, his words, and his actions. And he brings so much joy to my life by just being in it. Maybe this time of playing cheesy love songs on repeat will pass. And maybe it won’t. But for now I will keep singing along to Jon Foreman and Jason Mraz and T Swift and such, and remind myself of how incredibly blessed my life is. And how grateful I am that he stole my heart.