a note to self.

hey erin,

give yourself time.

I know it seems like you’re not getting anywhere, that the cornfields aren’t doing anything for your future. I know you feel stuck, like your feet are trapped in concrete and your hopes and dreams and goals are just out of reach. Try as you might, you can’t grasp them. They’re always an arm’s reach away.

I know it seems like you’re losing a lot. The boy you love and have given your heart to is leaving in a few short weeks. The friend you loved more than anything has been gone for nearly a year. The things that you thought would always be the same are changing. The friendships you thought would always be around are turning dull and fading away.

In roughly a year and a half you will be thrown into this crazy world, scared, confused, and unsure. This world full of dread, death, defeat, difficulty… this world full of people with razor sharp teeth and vicious words. this world full of uncertainty and “what ifs?”. this world so cruel sometimes.

but you have to give yourself time.

i know you want to say that you are better and the hole that was once filled with his friendship is filled with healing. i know you want to have a plan figured out for yourself. i know you want to know what’s coming next. i know you want to be sure your heart won’t be broken. i know you want to be certain of all the uncertainties.

but you have to give it time.

And i know that isn’t the answer you want to hear, but i don’t have any other one to give to you.

you have to loosen your grip on your future, for it never works out like we fully expect or fully hope for it to. while it might not be the future you’ve imagined, it will be the future that is right for you.

don’t be discouraged. don’t doubt.

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